Sky202

This past year has been full of incredible negative and positive events, which have most definitely changed my outlook on life. This is for the better. It used to be that if someone asked how I'm doing, the answer was "okay" or "I'm alive," where now there are days I can answer that I'm doing well, and surprising to even myself, it's true. My life, over all, is good. After fighting through abuses, anger, after enduring the tears, learning to walk again, learning to run again, and learning to eat again, I'm now... happy. Not every day, of course. No one is always happy, but I'm most certainly happier than I've been in a long, long time.

Though high school was miserable and, in all but maybe two classes I'd taken during the whole of my high school career, a waste of time, college is absolutely brilliant. The commute is painfully long - I drive and ride the local light rail system "Trax" and it takes me an hour and a half each way - but cheap, because the UTA pass required for boarding the train is free with University of Utah admission. I managed to secure a scholarship with the U that covers all of my tuition for eight semesters as long as I keep a 3.7 GPA; it has saved me financially. I don't have very much money in the bank, but I have enough that I won't have to worry about working until the summer, taking into account not only gas and book costs but also any emergencies I may have with my vehicle, etc. That is, if I can convince my family (who I'm still living with, unfortunately) to allow me to continue being unemployed in favor of upholding my grade point average requirement. Right now, they're in a mindset where they want me to be working to "improve my character," which for all the reasons they could have provided (financial stability, building up a resume, etc.) is the most illegitimate. I didn't get my full-ride scholarship with a lack of good character, and I like to believe I'm a good, responsible person.

Socially, a lot has improved, too. I'm grateful for those of my friends who've stuck with me despite the natural distancing that often happens during the transition from high school into college. I met some new friends, too, and I'm glad for it. Even stronger is my gratitude for everything that one individual in particular has done for me. Physically, emotionally, psychologically, I'm so much healthier than I've been for essentially my entire life, and it's all because of him.

There are so many things worth living for, and now I'm ready to pursue or continue to pursue those things. It won't always be easy... I still have struggles in my life. Although my health has improved dramatically - I'm not walking with a cane anymore, did you know? - I still have some trouble with a few things, and that can get pretty bad sometimes. School will be difficult, and keeping my GPA high enough to retain my scholarship has to be top priority. Family issues continue to rage on, silently in the background, growing... I don't think they'll accept me for who I am, when that conversation happens. It may take years of not associating with one another until they learn to accept me, even if they still can't understand.

But ultimately, I'm smiling again. I have hope again. And, despite all the difficulties that lie ahead, I am happy.

It's been a year - time flies by so quickly, or it seems like it, after the fact... I still have your ribbon from Kiefer's Memorial. I won at that tournament for you, and every single speech event I participated in after I had that ribbon with me; every round was dedicated to you. I know you would have won for yourself if you were still here...

I'll never forget you... We'll never forget you. You showed us what it meant to live life to its fullest, and that's what you did, to the very end. I simply cannot do you justice. Even now you're an example to others, and through your influence, you do continue to live on.

But God, how I miss you. Rest in peace, my friend.

For now, I can't trust him.

Soon, she might be gone.

A table can't stand on only two of four legs...

I may just have to collapse.

Hello everyone. I just wanted to say that the "Christmas spirit" doesn't have to exist just around the holidays. I think that people get caught up in the "season of giving" a little too much, sometimes... I'm not excluded in that assessment.

I think I'll change that. I've set a rule for myself to start a few secret projects that will hopefully make a difference, and they won't just be carried out during December. I also intend to make a habit of giving blood or plasma, if I'm allowed to with my health problems. Any money received through that will go to funding some of those secret projects I mentioned.

I've had a lot on my mind lately... And a lot of individuals, friends, family, on my mind. Thank you to everyone who's ever tried to make me smile. Thank you, anyone who's ever told me they cared. There are some people who, if I ever lost them, I would be devastated, destroyed...

In September, I had a friend pass away. I won't detail that here, but I do want to recognize anyone who has ever endured a similar situation. I commend you for continuing on in life. I admire you for taking those next steps, for getting up no matter how far you fell when it happened.

I'm sorry, to anyone I've hurt or disappointed. I have many regrets, but an even heavier resolve to never repeat them.

I hope you all have an excellent holiday, whatever you celebrate, and please... be safe in your travels. Try to do something nice for another each day. Smile. You never know what it might mean to the person who sees you do it.

And know that if you ever need someone to talk with, I'm always here. Send me a note, give me an MSN address, call me if you know the number... I've gone through many things, and will try to understand to the best of my ability the things I haven't. It's the least that I could do.

Two days until my subscription leaves me.

Essentially... two days until my 3,500 awaiting deviations multiply as it becomes impossible to look through them all.

Sad.

Sorry I haven't been too proactive here, everyone (or no one, as is the more likely number of individuals who'll read this); I've been very sick, and before that, busy...

I have made another account where I'll actually update my artwork on the occasion, though. Eventually it'll mean something.

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Edit: It's gone. This saddens me greatly.

In other news, I'm very, very busy, and very, very sick. And I've a prestigious tournament tomorrow in debate... Oh joy. I wish I felt better.

Back to work, then...